Call it whatever you want, handphone, cellphone, mobilephone, smartphone, iphone, and yadda yadda! But the one piece of technology I hate the most in the world is the cellphone (for this article we shall hence fourth call it the cellphone). It’s not because I’m some old fuddy duddy that hates technology, it’s not because I hate to keep in contact with people around me or in my life (well, to a certain extent yes). To counter those points, I’m actually one of the most techno person I know! I have imac, ipad, android phone (which I use as a 3g hotspot for my other devices) , digital slr, and heck my watch is advance! It’s doesn’t just tell time, it’s also a compass, barometer and altmeter. So one cannot say I am a luddite. As for the second point, well it is true to a certain extent but that is another story for another time.
In fact, I don’t really hate the cellphone per se, what I really hate is the etiquette of cellphones in today’s modern society.
The many reasons why I hate the cellphone can be broken into many points but I’ll keep it short and simple.
Expect me to be available always
Now there is nothing wrong with that, you’re obviously trying to call me and most likely have something to tell me, hence I always try to pick up by the 3rd ring though whether or not the call is really worth my time is another point later. What I hate about this point, is that the sentiment is not shared by other people, while they expect you to be available instantly but when you call them they fucking never pick! It’s like to them they don’t have to be instantly available when you really have something important to inform or converse about in which case is really stinks you up. To make it worse, later when you do get through THEY are angry at you for calling them up because it some how stinks up their day!
Believe that I’m their personal assistant or tech support
This point stinks me up to no end. I don’t mind helping but there are times and places when people believe I can perform magic over the damn cellphone whenever they call especially when it comes to computer problems. They can’t describe the problem to me let along fix it by following my instruction, to make it worse they can’t even take no for an answer when I cannot help them at the moment because I’m either driving or sleeping and they think I’m some zulu warrior that can instantly go into battle mode 5 seconds after waking up. So here is my point, don’t fucking expect me to help you with your technical problem while I’m either driving or just woke up and also screaming doesn’t make it go faster. It just makes me want to hang up more right now and then.
And those aren’t even the worse kind, those are usually the ones who call me to just use me as their emotional dumping ground and whatever I say has no bearing on what they are saying, they just want to make you feel lousier than they are at the moment. They try to make you feel guilty about their pain even though you have nothing to do with it and because you didn’t perform a miracle that it’s entirely your fault their own life sucks because they don’t want to take the first step toward fixing the the problem by admitting that it’s actually them rather than “everything” else, I call that in denial.
Their calls are the most important thing.
Example, I was once in an elevator when the door open up and there is this f**ker on the cellphone outside, he wanted to get on but because if he/she did, the call would be cut off. So you know what they did? They would hold the door delaying us just so they could finish their call. Guess what I did? I told them “Let go of the door or I will shove that phone up your f**king ass!”. The guy didn’t even pay any attention to my threat nor did he noticed the annoyed stare everyone had and he wasn’t even on the phone about something serious, just something about lunch meet up later. I promptly slapped away his hand holding the door and cracked my knuckles to let him know I am not to f**k with here. It’s amazing that only the knuckle cracking got his attention as he stepped away scared.
Other examples are the loud obnoxious talker especially on trains or busses or even the ones already in the elevators (How does it even stay connected in an elevator?!). They talk so loud like it’s their natural volume is bullshit loud! Also please don’t text while I’m trying to talk to you and don’t get angry when I stop talking because you’re twittering. I find it annoying that you think the smallest thing need to be twittered. Get a life you twit!
Pimped up phone
This is one of the most annoying part, I understand about personalizing your stuff but damn, put that shit in vibrate or silent mode when the situation or environment deems it say like in an office complex. I don’t need to hear your choice in Justin Bieber ringstone! Or for the love of God! Turn down the volume, it seems like these days cellphone have only 3 types of volume settings.
- Crying baby (There was one case where the actual ringtone was a crying baby!)
- Airplane turbine engine.
- Mount vesuvius when it erupted.
It’s for these reasons I hate the cellphone, I know it’s important because it allows us to stay in touch or something like that but people take it as if it’s a license to be an as*hole! Or that anyone else in the world would find their lame conversations as God’s greatest gift to everyone else! So what do I recommend as a solution? Here are some.
- For the first point, I’ll just be as available as you are. This is more for me than you.
- If you won’t take no for an answer that you’ll be talking to a ringtone next for the second point
- For the third point, I will punch your face! It’s that simple!
- Lower the volume or change that horrible ringtone! I don’t need to know your Bieber fever.
So if we can follow these simple rules, everyone would get along just fine.